Two Visions of Birth
By Melanie T. Corbett
There are things in my life which I cannot change. Events
have occurred which I cannot undo, and I don’t wish to undo, however; if I were
to create my “perfect” birth, it only exists in my mind. Here are two visions:
one an ideal birth, and one a realistic ideal birth.
In a perfect world, my mother would be alive, my grandmother
would be alive, and I’d be giving birth in grandma’s house, which is where I
feel most at home. My grandmother and mother would be very supportive of my
choice to birth at home because they would have done the same. I would begin
labor in the middle of the morning, and then take a walk with my husband around
the farm and lake, enjoying the fall weather. Around lunch time we would arrive
at grandma’s house and let her know I was in labor. Mom would call the doula
and midwife, who would be lifelong friends of our family. After making that
call, we would all sit down to a homemade lunch, after which we would all help
with a quilt that mom and grandma were making for the baby. We would talk about
birth and share our birth stories. The doula would arrive first and would
encourage Sean to help me through each rush in the best way he and I knew how.
I would move around the house as necessary and make noise as necessary.
The midwife would arrive midafternoon and would encourage me
to take another walk. This time I would walk down Pecan Lane and visit with the
goats. I would notice the changing colors of the leaves. I would swing on the
swing under the big oak tree. I would visit the barn cats and feed them some
bread and milk. Sean would help me back to the house because my rushes would
have become strong and close together.
The living room would be lit with sunlight from the
afternoon sun, as I worked through the last few contractions leading to
transition. I am concerned about tearing again, since I tore with my first
birth, but the midwife just calmly applies some pressure and olive oil to my
perineum as Michael descends through the canal. I never push. I let my body do
what it needs to do and my head gets out of the way. Michael is born easily
with no complications. We let the cord finish pulsating before cutting it.
Michael is placed on my chest and under a blanket. He will be examined later
after an initial breastfeeding session is established. He will not have a hat
on. It is now that I realize some music has been playing softly in the
background. They are church songs, some from my childhood, some from my current
life, that have meaning to me.
Daniel has been free to roam around with us this entire time
and by now has settled down with my mom in bed for a nap. Sean and I have some
time alone with Michael as the midwives, doula, and my grandmother prepare a
snack for after birth. I let the midwife know the placenta is coming, and she comes
back to catch it. We will have it encapsulated, so she arranges to have it
frozen until that can be done.
Sean’s mom comes in after Sean and I have spent some time
with Michael. My mom and grandma also come to greet the new baby. I am
encouraged to stand up and move around a bit so as to avoid clotting. Sean,
Michael and I go into our room (the quilt room) which has been made up for us.
Sean holds Michael as Mom brings Daniel in to meet his big brother. Daniel sits
in my lap while meeting Daniel, knowing that he is not being replaced in any
way. Daniel goes out to play with my Mom and his cousins while Sean, Michael
and I take a nap.
Since the majority of
this story cannot physically take place today, here is the version of a
realistic ideal birth I have in mind.
I wake up early in the morning to light contractions. I get
out of bed so as not to disturb anyone and go sit on the deck drinking some
raspberry leaf tea. I spend some quite time to myself asking my female
ancestors to bless this birth and bring me their wisdom throughout it. Sean
wakes up and comes to find me. He makes me an abstinent breakfast based on my
food plan which is written on the fridge. I eat a balanced, but light meal and
get dressed. I gather the items given to me at my blessingway and arrange them
to my liking. I turn on KLOVE on the computer. Daniel wanders out of the
bedroom and he and I sit in the “big, soft chair” together for a bit, until it
becomes too uncomfortable. I spend some time on the birth ball with him doing
my stretches together. Sean fixes Daniel breakfast and he eats while watching
Blue’s Clues.
We all decide to take a walk around the walking paths in our
complex. Labor still seems pretty light. We call Judith before we leave to let
her know what’s going on. The walk is chilly, so I am glad I brought a coat
with me. By the time we come back to the apt, contractions have picked up and
Judith arrives. The Rebozo and the birth ball help, as do hip squeezes
performed by Sean. I remember this time to ask him if he needs a break
occasionally. I call my sponsor to let her know what’s going on and make a
couple of calls to other 12 step friends to meet my obligations for my program.
In between contractions, I read some daily meditations.
We eat lunch. We call Natalie to see if she has to work that
evening or would be available to care for Daniel. She does not have to work and
comes right over. She and Daniel play together while Sean, Judith and I work
through contractions. She is able to get him to take a nap. J
After his nap, Daniel chooses to go with Natalie to visit
his friend (and her son) Josiah. As soon as he was napping, we called Sarah, as
we want her to get here before traffic gets bad. She arrives and things are
progressing smoothly. No one checks for dilation or anything silly like that. I
get in the birth tub and realize it’s not a scary thing, but actually very
helpful. The buoyancy of the water helps me to relax. Sean is in there too.
Contractions intensify and I feel Michael travel down the birth canal. I reach
down to feel his head. Shortly he is born and Sarah catches him and brings him
to my chest. She lays a blanket over us, but I am desperate to get out of the
water. Everyone helps us move out of the tub and onto the couch. Sean gets my
robe to keep me warm. There is a fire going in the fireplace as well. The
placenta is born and the cord cut after finishing pulsating. Michael and I are
dry and warm now and wrapped in blankets. We establish breastfeeding. He is
examined on my chest. Sean holds him and then we weigh him. Sean calls my
sponsor to let her know how everything went. He then also calls his parents, my
dad and stepmom, my sister and his brother and sister. An evening meal is
served according to my food needs. Daniel comes back as we are settling in for
the night. Sean holds Michael while Daniel comes into the bedroom to meet him. He
finally understands there’s a baby. The placenta is stored in anticipation of
encapsulation. Sean goes out to visit with the midwives and doula briefly and
thank them.
We enjoy our newfound foursome and get to know each other.
Eventually we all drift off to sleep somehow.
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