Knowledge isn't everything

I just finished our first meeting with our doula for Baby #2's birth (who needs a blogging nickname!). She had asked me to write out my ideal birth for her. I really struggled with this because my approach to this birth is so different from my approach to Dino Man's birth. What I finally ended up doing was writing two versions: one which reflected a desire to go back to a time where my mother and grandmother lived together on the farm; and one which is much more realistic and set in our own home.

What this exercise underlined for me was the emotion behind this birth. Don't get me wrong. Dino Man's birth was an emotional experience, but my preparation for that birth was based on researching everything I could about birth and breastfeeding in order to feel knowledgeable in the moment. This birth has been more about digging down into my own emotional turbulence and unearthing bits of fossilized emotions from my childhood as well as analyzing how I feel about certain events or approaches to birth.

For instance, we chose not to take a full birth class this time around and instead just "brush up" on a few things by attending local free classes given by the Childbirth Collective. These were great at reminding us of some things we had used in Dino Man's birth, but also gave us some new information as well. I've spent much more time working with my spiritual mentor in determining how I want this birth to feel emotionally, as well as how I want to experience my environment. I've worked on unearthing bits of selfishness and self-indulgence that may hinder my experience in this birth, as well as a parent.

So, my focus on writing my ideal birth down was much more about the sights and sounds of the moment rather than my list of things to do or not to do during the birth. We have chosen a homebirth, so there are some assumptions that go along with that, I imagine. We are relatively conventional people, but are "bucking the system" so to speak by making unconventional (some would call them crunchy) choices in regards to childbirth and the way we parent our children. I'm okay with that. I no longer feel the need to fight for my opinions to be heard or understood.

We even went the emotional route for choosing our birth attendants. Both our midwife and doula belong to the Childbirth Collective, and we heard each of them speak a few times at various Parent Topic Nights. We liked them immediately and felt they would serve us well in those capacities. We were told to ask questions, interview others, etc. We didn't. We went with our gut instinct in this matter and feel we couldn't have chosen better.

I feel much more relaxed about this birth as well. There is a sense that everything will happen the way it is supposed to happen, and I am open to whatever that might be. It's a really good place to be, even if it's totally new territory for me, the researcher and planner.

So, knowledge isn't everything. Often times, listening to your gut or instinct will lead you in the right direction, assuming you've practiced listening to your gut before. Too bad I don't listen to my gut when it tells me to do more laundry. I'd be a lot more caught up than I am right now!

When's the last time you listened to your gut about something? How did it turn out?