UnLearning Everything I Thought I Knew

I've spent the last nine years or so un-learning the things I thought I knew about life. This has taken place in spits and starts.

I come from a fairly traditional family background. Grew up in a small town. My grandparents were "city farmers", which my grandfather described as a farmer who had a regular job in town. I lived two doors down from them on ten acres. My hometown had just under 7,000 people in it, and is the official home of Superman.

My parents were married for almost exactly 35 years before my Mom passed away. I have a younger sister. We were a lot like the ideal family from the outside. I was taught that kids go to school, parents go to work, and the world keeps spinning around. I was disciplined regularly for things that now seem like tiny infractions, however, my parents were very authoritarian.

Needless to say I grew up not questioning authority very much. I went to college and spent six years earning a four year degree and a husband. (He was worth the extra two years.)

We moved around a bit after we were married and settled down in my hometown in the same house I grew up in. All was well in the world, until the day my Mom died in a tragic farm accident. She was only 53 and the person I considered to be my best female friend.

Devastating does not begin to describe the situation. It tore our family apart in more ways than one. I eventually moved away because I couldn't take all the drama from the extended family.

But what my Mom's death gave me was an opportunity to really look at and question all that my life had been up to that point. I discovered I was an addict and joined the appropriate 12-step program. I began to learn who I was away from all the small town expectations of my family. I also began the process of un-learning that I will continue to document here.

It didn't really start until I became pregnant with my first son (who is now almost 3!). I realized I didn't really know what kind of parent I wanted to be. I did know I didn't want to parent the way I was raised. It left some scars I would prefer not to imprint on my own children.

I started reading about natural birth and breastfeeding and peaceful/gentle parenting and suddenly a whole world opened up to me. Through the process of birthing my son, I realized I had more power in me than I thought.

Now I've come to un-learn a few ideas about schooling that I hadn't expected to question, as you see, my degree is in education. I taught high school English for about five years after substituting for a few years. My husband was a music teacher for about five years as well, before he left for a more lucrative position in the private sector.

The one thing that hasn't changed in my thinking is that I need to be a stay-at-home Mom. My mother was a SAHM, and I felt it was really important for me as a child to have her there at least until I went to school, though she stayed at home even after that.

Today, I consider myself a homebirthing, ecological breastfeeding, non-vaccinating, intactivist, unschooler, who is constantly wanting to learn more about the alternatives to traditional life.

So this is the story of my journey to un-learning all the things I was taught by our culture and my parents prior to realizing I could make choices for myself.

my inspiration